Man of LaMancha I ain't, but...

I can guess how Don Quixote felt, searching, searching....  I am trying to find a swan-themed item to give away in conjunction with my new novel Swan Song.  No small task, let me tell you.  I thought I'd found the Perfect Item: a flexible pen with a cartoon swan's head on top.  It was cute.  It was unique.  I wanted it -- the perfect reminder for folks about Swan Song whenever they used the swan pen.  I spend a little over two hours on the computer emailing some gal overseas.  Round trip emails took anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes each.  Yes, believe it....  I wanted Item B.  In the photo it looks nearly white, a very light beige.  We're emailing back and forth about price, shipping cost, etc and I'm ready to place my order.  I can't wait!  She emails again and says that I should pick the colors either Item G or Item H.  That is a dark beige and Daffy Duck yellow.  Well, I wanted a white swan.  I emailed back to ask why couldn't I have Item B that's on the website?  She emails back to say I need to pick Item G or Item H.  I email back and say I want a white swan like Item B.  She emails back to say I need to pick Item G or Item H....  I gave up around 11:00 pm, wondering if it were me or the English as a Second Language problem.  My head was swimming, not unlike the swan.  Maybe it would've been easier to pick the Hippo and rewrite the book real quick.

I pursue swan items elsewhere and spend literally all day Thursday and Friday scouring the Internet at promotional item sites, carnival supply sites, promotional toy sites, wholesale giveaway sites....  There is a cute "rubber duckie" type swan so I email the company to find out price.  My meager 300 desired items didn't qualify me for purchase there, so I looked elsewhere.  I'm still looking elsewhere. 

What is it with swan items?  Don't people like swans?  Are swans passe?  I know it's the Chinese year of the Rabbit, but that shouldn't push swans out of the picture.  I didn't think I was dreaming the impossible dream when this started.  I just want a nice trumpeter swan item, something to link with the book.

I'm about to form a protest group.  I think I'll call it FOOT.  Friends of Ostracized Trumpeters.  There's gotta be some media coverage in this somewhere.  Maybe if I borrow Don Quixote's lance and cause a scene...

So then I'm trying to find something to go with my other newly released book A Well Dressed Corpse.  First thing that comes to mind is a skeleton.  I find some 5" tall bendable ones at Orientaltrading.com and buy those.  Good.  One out of two items found.  Don Quixote should do so well.

I'm still on the quest for the swan.  If you know of something, please let me know.  I feel a song coming on....